i think walmart got new candles
Hello Tumblr! I was going to write more about me, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked.
Okay, so in Science class yesterday we were talking about sleep cycles and melatonin and my science teacher said, “if you’re trying to sleep, avoid one colour. Blue. Your melatonin levels decrease when looking at the colour blue because it’s the colour of the sky.” GUYS, I KNOW WHY NONE OF US SLEEP. TUMBLR IS BLUE.
THE JIG IS UP, YOU SNEAKY BASTARDS. WE’RE ONTO YOU.
Twinkle twinkle little slut
Name a guy you haven’t fucked.
Was he skinny?
Was he tall?
Nevermind you did them all.
Twinkle twinkle little bitch
Close your legs it smells like fish.
Twinkle twinkle little shit
Try to think of this a bit:
Does it affect
You at all
Who has sex or none at all?
No it doesn’t, little shit,
Shut your fucking mouth you twit.
So apparently there is a type of animal called the Japanese Raccoon Dog. They’re basically just giant raccoon’s with serious amounts of floof.
Look how magestic they are. It’s incredible
Suspicious Raccoon Dog knows wat u been doin’
AHHH THE FLOOF
OH and they are freaking adorable as babies JUST LOOK
People also call them puppies
HOW CAN ANYONE NOT THINK THEY ARE ADORABLE
THIS HAS A TINY POLICE OFFICER UNIFORM I’M GOING TO CRY
today a teenage white boy looked me straight in the face, pointed at himself, winked at me, and said “so how about helping papa bear with his math homework?” and i think i was speechless for a total of 10 seconds before telling him i dont associate with people who call themselves papa bear
|*Man walks into a store and finds employee*|
|Man:||Alright, I've had enough. Why haven't you guys hired me?!|
|Employee:||Uh...well sir, when did you put in your application?|
|Man:||I never filled out an application.|
|Employee:||Well sir, we can't consider you for employment if you've never filled out an application.|
|Man:||No, that's bullshit, because I've been coming here for years now, and every single time I tell you all how much I love this store and how much I appreciate your customer service, unlike some of your other customers might I add!|
|Employee:||Well, but that doesn't-|
|Man:||AND I even told you that I didn't have a job!|
|Employee:||But sir, that doesn't indicate to us that you would like a job at our store. And again, if you've never filled out an application, we can't consider you. Besides, we're not hiring.|
|Man:||OH! Not hiring, HA! What a laugh. I see your store go through seasonal workers all the time. They come and go like nothing, but you won't consider me as a part-time employee even though I KNOW you've been looking for workers to fill positions? That's insane!|
|Employee:||Sir, we've been looking to hire a few people for management positions. Do you have any management experience?|
|Man:||Well no, but what does that matter?|
|Employee:||...Well sir, that's what we're looking for. You won't be suitable for the position without management experience.|
|Man:||Oh that's such a load of crap. You know, you'll be waiting around a long time for a manager if you don't lower your standards a little. Who cares if someone knows how to manage a store? I LOVE this store and I'm willing to work here, that's all that should matter to you.|
|Employee:||That...doesn't make any sense.|
|Man:||NO! I'm done. This is over. From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy.|
|Man:||Fuck you, slut.|